atlantablack | Steve Rogers - "Not a Good Soldier, But a Good Man"

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The life in which I’m forever a child looking out my window at the night sky thinking one day I’ll touch the world with bare hands even if it burns.

pre-serum Steve Rogers in the army barracks unpacking his books, the image is slightly blurry

TRIPTYCH FOR THE HEART 1 I wasn not always a house on fire but I have always been full of light 2 Constellations get named after either heroes or griefs Wild heroes Wild griefs The outpouring of emotions within me Is ancient bronze tipped earth changing 3 Someday I will return to the salt and the sea Someday to the sun Neither will be follies.

You do not get to die and be reborn the same You come back but you come back wrong This is the price you pay for resurrection.

picture of Steve staring at his hands shortly after being injected with the serum and running through the streets

a picture of Steve as he is in the process of flying the plane into the ocean

Some say I am crazy some say I have a death wish I do not know why I keep going back to the place where the sun blazes and the sand runs red Truth is I am afraid to live I cannot look at myself in the mirror I do not recognize myself without the camouflage I am lost What if I have to live with the horrors I have done What if I do not Send help Or maybe do not Either way I am breaking.

side picture of Steve in the Captain America and the Winter Soldier as he stares off into the distance looking sad and serious.

a picture of Steve directly after he sees the mask come off of Bucky and realizes who he is.

Have you ever thought about the violence you commit against yourself Are you aware of the full extent of it What violence I do not mean just the physical I do not mean just the way you punish your body I mean also the violent thoughts The violent feelings I mean the nights you ache wishing you were different better somebody else I mean the days you spend in front of the mirror harboring such loathing you can barely bear to look at yourself That too is violence I mean the visceral way you cringe when you hear yourself on video The wryness in your voice when you speak about your younger self filled with such shame embarrassment contempt You are not who you used to be But who you were made you who you are And violence one step removed is still violence Violent is the way you deny yourself love the way you predict the worst case scenario in the name of self preservation The hope zapping internal dialogue What did you think That things would be different this time Do you not know yourself How often are you violent against yourself Does it horrify you Can you stop Do you want to And if you did would you know how to.

a picture of Steve looking conflicted as he watches Tony watch the video of the winter soldier killing his parents

You are shaking fists and trembling teeth I know You did not mean to be cruel That does not mean you were kind.

a blurry up close picture of the broken captain america shield from End Game

Do not go gentle into the night RAGE, RAGE against the dying of the light.

a close up picture of Steve with bared teeth as he struggles in his battle of wills with Thanos

Erskine: Do you want to kill Nazis?

Steve: Is this a test?

Erskine: Yes.

Steve: I don’t want to kill anyone. I don’t like bullies; I don’t care where they’re from.

Tracy K. Smith from “Don’t You Wonder, Sometimes?”, Life on Mars / Triptych for the Heart by Keaton St. James / Nathaniel Orion G. K. / unknown / Sue Zhao Where to begin? / Dylan Thomas

^{This was originally posted on Tumblr on March 7th, 2022}

my heart is a tripwire

atlantablack

May 2025

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Atlanta Black

Steve Rogers - "Not a Good Soldier, But a Good Man"